Desperate Living
by hairdresser blues
Summary: Years ago Edward made the mistake of pushing Bella away out of fear. Now that she's getting married to another man, desperate times call for desperate measures. Like kidnapping the love of his life at water gun point. Needless to say, she isn't amused. Holed up in a dingy motel room for one last night together, it's time for all of the past secrets and insecurities to come out.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer - Not mine. Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. The poem excerpt below is Pablo Neruda.  
**

AN - This is a reupped and expanded version of a story I posted in 2012.

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**1.**

_No one else, Love, will sleep in my dreams. You will go,_

_we will go together, over the waters of time._

_No one else will travel through the shadows with me,_

_only you, evergreen, ever sun, ever moon._

Digging his fingertips into the tasteful cream paper until they threatened to tear straight through, Edward Cullen read the familiar verse for the third consecutive time. It was far better for his sanity than the text that lay below. Once had been enough to make his heart brutally beat against his ribcage. The battered organ would more than likely rupture from his chest if he dared to try again. Better yet would have been to slide the seemingly innocuous slip of paper back under the copy of American Psychologist where he had found it, and pretend he'd never seen it at all. Repression was a particularly well honed skill of his. Carlisle had made damn sure of that. _Chin up Edward, shoulders back like a man. I could have sworn I had a son, not some sniveling little girl. _The words were clear in his head. Yet his fingers refused to obey the order. All he could do was stare down blankly at the delicate cursive, and try his hardest not to bleed out all over Alice's absurdly expensive sofa.

It wasn't possible. It just wasn't. Jasper playing an exceedingly cruel joke, maybe. The prick was always poking and prodding at his inability to maintain a 'relationship' for more than an extremely pleasurable forty-eight hours. Bella Swan was off somewhere in Europe wasting her days away sipping espresso and wandering through the countless art museums like she'd always dreamed of doing. Edward had made sure she was well taken care of. A plane ticket to Rome and a tidy little sum straight from his own trust fund had been his parting gift to the girl he'd been so fond of. She had earned it after all. Sweet and just bursting with small town naivety, yet quick witted and intelligent enough to keep up, corrupting her been a delicious experience. 

_You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of _

_Bella Marie Swan_

_and _

_Jacob Ephraim Black_

_On Saturday afternoon_

_May 26th_

_at four o'clock_

_22058 Lake Street _

_La Push Reserve_

Who the hell was trying to kid at this point? Edward had been fond of plenty of the women he had fucked in the past. Tanya, the leggy strawberry blonde daughter of the Cullen family lawyer came to mind. Extremely beautiful and extraordinarily ruthless, they had clawed and grinded until raw more than a few times. She was everything he wanted. Or at least she was everything that he had been taught to want. But no matter what he told himself, no matter how many times he tried, that was all bullshit. It had never mattered how high he built his castle walls, somehow Bella always slipped through the cracks. On the nights that he crawled between the cold sheets of his bed all alone, she never failed to come to him as his eyes dropped shut. The thought of her pulling her too full bottom lip between her teeth and gnawing as she blushed at something he'd said was the only thing that seemed to bring finest 1500 thread count Egyptian cotton money could buy, and they still chaffed at him as he tossed and turned.

It wasn't just in bed at night that Edward thought of her. If only it that had been the case. That would have been far easier to write off as something inconsequential. Just a lingering tickle from old itch like a fading mosquito bite. Yet there she was, constant and unfailing. He'd nearly given up browsing the paper as he sipped his morning coffee. A day didn't go by that he didn't find an interesting article and wonder what she would make of it. The way Bella viewed the world through rose tinted glasses had annoyed him to no end in the past. He had thought her to be too smart to be so blindly optimistic when the world was falling to shit around them, but in the end he was the one who was blind.

_'Re-examine all you have been told...Dismiss what insults your soul.'_

Words he would never forget. Humor had colored her voice as she leaned across the table to press her lips lightly against the tip of his nose. Such a small, silly act, but it had done the trick. His furrowed brow had loosened, a reluctant smile pulling at his pursed lips.

Walt Whitman had been a favorite of hers to quote.

More than once he'd nearly broken down and texted her last known number when he had come across one of the old black and white movies she loved so dearly. Starry eyed Renee had instilled a deep appreciation for the classics in their girl. Long ago he accused them all of being boring, self indulgent affairs. Was a four hour film really necessary? Bella thought so. In turn she accused him of missing the beauty of the experience. How right she had been.

It had just taken Humphrey Bogart to show him the way. He had been dead tired, and stressed beyond belief from another agonizingly long shift for his residency at the hospital. Deciding on a drink to help him relax before he collapsed face first into bed, he had turned on the TV and started mindlessly flipping through channels. The gods must have decided he hadn't endured enough suffering for the day, because as he paused to take a sip, there it had been. By the time Gloria Grahame was reduced to a nervous wreck on his television screen, he had been one whiskey too deep to hold back. While he might never have been suspected of murder, he had essentially done the same to Bella. The cold, indifferent facade that had gone up as the end had drawn closer and closer had turned her inside out.

Then the final scene played. The phone rings, and all is revealed. Dixon is not guilty, but it doesn't really matter. He might not have murdered Mildred, but he had certainly killed her love for him. If Bogie didn't get the girl, what chance did he stand?

The text had never been sent, but the scarcely touched flat screen hung on his living room wall was now permanently tuned into TMC in obsessive tribute.

"Hey, is Heineken okay? I know it's essentially bottled eurotrash piss but it's all I've got."

Edward managed to pull his eyes away as Jasper plunked the bottle of chilled beer down in front of him. His grip tightened on the invitation as he met his friend's gaze. The thick paper finally tore under the pressure. "What the hell is this?"

Confusion flooded his face. It lasted mere seconds before Jasper's face hardened to a stoic mask. Staring back cooly, he cocked a sarcastic blonde eyebrow. "Do your patients know you can't read? That's a malpractice suit just waiting to happen."

A hot flash of anger sucker punched Edward in the gut. "_What the hell is this?_"

Jasper sank down onto the sofa next to him with infuriatingly casual ease and took a long swig of his beer. "It's a wedding invitation, Edward. And I'd appreciate it if you could hand it over. Alice is going to bust both our balls if you shred it. You know she likes to scrapbook."

The deep breathes Edward forced himself to take did nothing to dull his rage. Looking down one more time at the pretty cream colored death sentence, he jumped to his feet and crushed it in his fist before hurling it away with a muted roar.

"Thanks asshole. You can be the one to tell Alice what happened to it."

Edward said nothing as he began to pace. Jasper watched patiently, no doubt waiting for him to spend the bulk of his anger before he made a move. You didn't try to grab a vicious animal ready to attack unless you were ready to feel their claws rip into your skin. The blonde man hardly feared his friend, but was in favor of psychological warfare.

The silence this game produced was agonizing. It amplified the maddening ringing in his ears until it threatened to consume everything from the ground up. Edward clawed at his hair, yanking at the messy copper strands. The slight pain did nothing to distract him.

Goddamnit, he had told them to leave Bella alone. Demanded it. It was better that way, easier, if she didn't have them around constantly reminding her of what he'd done. It was a wholly selfish order in truth. He was the one that couldn't stand to be reminded of his callous actions. Out of sight out of mind wasn't nearly enough. Every last reminder had to be eradicated. How was he possibly supposed to survive the separation if he had to hear about her exploits with some asshole named Lorenzo or Jean Luc? How happy she was without him? He would have never been able to resist the temptation to ask.

The hypocrisy of it all was disgusting. Even he had enough self awareness to realize that. The endless parade of women he had gone through since he had sent her away were nearly impossible to keep track of. With the help of whiskey and indifference, they all blurred together into one unrecognizable mass of female flesh. Edward couldn't find it in himself to care.

There were a million things he wanted to show his girl that he would never get to. Oscar Wilde's grave in the Pere Lachaise Cemetery so she could press a bright lipstick kiss to the stone. She had always looked so lovely with her lips painted red. Bella preferred the colorless comfort of her perpetually misplaced chapstick, but on occasion she had emerged from the bathroom with a light coat of cherry just for him. Edward wanted to watch her face light up as she peeked into a different world through the keyhole on Mount Aventine in Rome. The smile she would have given him as she finally pulled away would have been enough to bring him to his knees and beg. For what, he wasn't sure. Anything. But there was no Lorenzo or Jean Luc doing it in his place.

There was a Jacob Black.

A sharp pain shooting through his hand snapped Edward from his frantic thoughts. Staring down blankly at the appendage that didn't seem to be his own, it took a moment to process what had just occurred.

_Shit_.

Alice was going to have his head for putting his fist through her wall.

"All better now, buddy?"

Edward let out something between a shaking breath and a crazed laugh as he blankly at the crumbling drywall. "A little."

"You need something stronger than this."

Jasper motioned for him to sit as he rose to his feet. Edward obeyed, if only because his legs threatened to give out from under him. Tiredly sinking down into the plush white suede, he buried his head in his hands and waited for the world as he knew it to get on with it already and implode.

"Here," Jasper grunted, holding out a tumbler nearly filled to the top with blessed amber liquid. Neat and as potent as possible, just how he needed it. Edward accepted the glass gratefully. No time was wasted as he brought it to his lips and threw half back in one desperate gulp. The whiskey, smokey and expensive, scalded his throat and nose as it slid down his throat, but he welcomed the burn with open arms. All he could say was, "Thanks."

"Go ahead and ask."

Edward drowned the rest of the glass for courage. It went down smoother this time. "How long?"

"I'm afraid you're going to have be a little more specific than that." Jasper wasn't going to make this easy.

_Who the hell is this asshole? How long as she been with him?_

That's what he truly wanted to know, but his mouth just couldn't form the words to ask.

"How long have you been in contact with Bella?"

There would be no mincing words. "Since the day your sorry ass walked out on her."

The announcement should have surprised him. How could he have not known? Yet all he could do was accept their actions with cool detachment. Alice hadn't spoken to him for months after Bella had left. The silence would probably have still been prevailing if she had done as he had asked.

"Emmett and Rose too?"

"Emmett and Rose too."

Of course.

Edward brought the glass to his lips. Cursing when he got nothing but air, he slammed the poor crystal down on the coffee table and pinched the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb. "What the hell is wrong with you? I told you all to leave her alone."

"What's wrong with _me_? That's precious Edward. What the hell is wrong with _you_? Bella is my friend. She's Alice's, and Emmett's and Rosalie's friend too. You had no right to make some ridiculous decree to just up and abandon her because you got bored."

"She would have been better off if you had just left her alone."

"You mean you would have been better off. Trust me. Bella is doing just fine."

Bella is doing just fine.

_Bella is doing just fine._

**Bella is doing just fine.**

Edward knew that Jasper hadn't intentionally reared back and sucker punched him in the gut like he had done to the man's unsuspecting living room wall, but it felt like it all the same. The calming alcohol he had just consumed churned violently in his stomach now, threatening to come back up to ruin the carpet too. The words shouldn't have hurt like they did, but no one on God's green earth would ever praise him of being selfless. Deep down he had hoped she was just as miserable without him as he was without her.

If at first you don't succeed. The rapidly warming beer in front of him was gone in under a minute once his stomach settled. It did nothing to wash the bitterness from his voice. "Yeah, I suppose she is."

"There's no one to blame but yourself for this Edward. What choice did you give her but to move on? Especially after that little plane ticket stunt. I mean really, did you ever think that one through at all?"

This time Edward was surprised, if only for a split second. He had been as vague as possible about their parting. Emotions had been too raw at the time. The added shame of his friends and family knowing just how big of a coward he was would have been too much for even his well practiced facade. Now there was no sense in denying what he had done.

"I gave her freedom with that ticket."

"No, you made her into a well paid whore with that ticket. Did you give her a little slap on the ass and tell her it had been fun while it lasted too?"

"It wasn't like that." The words were weak even to his own ears.

"The hell it wasn't."

"The hell it was!" Edward tried again with more conviction. "I was just making sure she would be well taken care of without me."

"Did it ever occur to you that Bella didn't want to be taken care of? Maybe she just wanted to be with the man she loved? God only knows why. All that time together and you didn't know her all at."

"Fuck you Jasper. I know everything about her."

And he did, better than anyone else in the world no matter what Jasper thought. Just because the bastard had a Ph.D. in psychology didn't give him the right to say any differently. Edward knew it all down to the last lonely freckle on her upper thigh. But selfishly he'd decided to ignore her wishes to give her what he thought she should have wanted. All because he had been afraid. Fear ruled everything in his life. Fear of disappointing his father. Fear of not being in control of everything. It was laughable, really. Like he had ever had any control to begin with.

"You _might _have known her Edward, but you don't know anything about her now."

Swallowing heavily against the painful truth of the statement, Edward forced himself to ask, "How long has she been back in the States?"

"She never left."

"Excuse me?"

Held immobile by shock, all he could do was stare hollowly at his lifelong friend. Jasper stared back intently, cautious of another violent explosion. It wouldn't be an wall that his bruised fist met next time.

"She never went to Rome, Edward, and she never spent a penny of the money you gave her. After graduation she moved back in with her father in Washington and got a job teaching English at the high school."

She never left.

Such a simple statement. It changed absolutely everything.

"It was a test."

The unbidden words slipped from his lips before he had the chance to swallow them back. It was bitter sweet to finally let them go after so long. Edward had never admitted the truth of the matter, not even to himself.

Jasper's apathetic mask slipped, too caught off guard at the confession to hold it in place. "Excuse me?"

"What's not to get?" Edward let out a vicious bark of laughter that made them both flinch at the inhuman sound. "The ticket, the money. As sick as it is, it was a test to see if she would take it and run. And here I've been all this time thinking that she had failed."

"Edward..." the other man offered in useless comfort.

For the second time in his adult life, Edward Cullen hung his head and allowed himself to cry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer - Not mine. Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer.**

AN - Just a little be further rehashing for those who have previously read this story. Next chapter will finally start get into new stuff.

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**2.**

Alice Brandon was five feet and a whopping one inch of pure, undiluted crazy.

Bella had always had her sneaking suspicions about the state of Alice's sanity. This was the woman who insisted on wearing four inch stilettos to the grocery store after all, but it was safe to officially call it now. Comparing Greek yogurt brands in Louboutins was one thing. Threatening to slit Emmett's throat in his sleep for almost knocking over one of her handmade mason jar candle lanterns was another. As entertaining as the sight of stabbing a perfectly manicured finger into his stomach, screeching at the top of her lungs while he held up his hands and begged for his life had been, enough as was enough. There was no denying the maniacal gleam in her best friend's eyes as she barked out orders to anyone unfortunate enough to come into her line of sight. It wasn't just her severe Napoleon complex driving her this time. She was high as kite on organza and gardenias, and it was only going to get worse before it got better.

Bella snorted. It was only the rehearsal dinner.

There were dark times ahead of them all when Jasper finally proposed. Alice had been planning her wedding since she was six years old. Bella had only gotten a brief glimpse of the five hundred page idea book her dear friend had been compiling since her first copy of Modern Bride in 1993, but that glimpse had been terrifying enough. No doubt she would made make the women of Bridezillas look like rational, upstanding citizens. Hell, she was currently making Charles Manson look cuddly, and she was only the Maid of Honor. But looking around, Bella couldn't help but admit that there was a method to the madness. Billy's backyard looked beautiful all lit up with hundreds of her precious lanterns hanging from the trees. The table settings, the music, the food, everything was absolutely perfect down to the silverware placement in a way that no one else could have possibly achieved.

Who would have thought she would be the first to tie the knot? Not so long ago Bella had been sure she would spend the rest of her life bitter and alone, lamenting about lost love and wasted youth to anyone with enough patience to hear her out. She had tried with Charlie at first, but mournful speeches hardly worked with her taciturn father. Watching the man squirm as he offered up awkward pats on the back and mumbled words of comfort had only served to make her feel worse. But in the end they had found something that worked for both of the Swans. It had taken months but she had finally cried herself out. After that they had sat for hours, splitting a twelve pack of PBR and watching whatever game happened to be on TV. She had no real taste for sports, and rarely a word had been spoken, but during those times she had had some of those most meaningful conversations in her life. Anyone looking in would have seen have seen nothing much uncomfortable silence, but they just weren't listening close enough.

When Charlie had handed her that first beer, he had said without so many words, 'you're going to be okay, kid.' No one knew better than him. He had survived Renee tearing his heart from his chest. She could damn well survive Edward Cullen.

Moving back to Forks had been an act of exhausted resignation. She could have gone anywhere in the world with a degree from a top tier school under her belt but the call from home had been too much to ignore. In Forks she could crawl into her childhood bed and lose herself to the rain while she tried to put the pieces back together. That damning, persistent rain had given her a viable excuse to be so miserable all of the time. At least that was what she told herself every morning she had pulled herself from bed to be met with another day of dreary greyness outside of the bedroom window. Anything had been better than the truth. Now that the sun was shining down it was funny to think the one thing Bella hated the most in the world was what had saved her in the end.

"Hey pretty girl. What's got you looking so sad?"

Jerking in surprise, Bella looked up to see Rosalie gracefully slide into the lawn chair next to her before crossing her legs with an elegant flourish. She was desperately jealous of that grace. It wouldn't have been surprising if her friends were taking bets behind her back on whether or not she was going to trip on the way down the aisle. Would it be the shoes that sent her flying? Possibly tripping over the hem of her dress? The odds certainly were not in her favor.

"Just a little nervous I guess," she shrugged in response. "There's still so much to do."

"I don't think you have to worry about that." Tilting her head towards Alice, Rosalie laughed. "She's starting to foam at the mouth. I really hope we don't have to put her down."

"Not a chance of that happening. Charlie is the only one around here who carries and he's completely enamored. If worse comes to worse I suppose we could always drug her. A little sleep would do her wonders."

"While we're on the subject of people in desperate need of a nap..." Rosalie clicked her tongue in distaste before she carried on. "I tried to introduce myself earlier like a civilized human being, but the bitch nearly bit my head off."

Bella couldn't help but grimace as she followed her friend's line of sight. The tall, copper skinned woman stood out like a sore thumb amongst the flurry of happy chaos that had taken over the Black's backyard. While all around her people laughed and drank in celebration of the impending nuptials, she leaned up against a tree and watched the party with a blank, stoic mask. The mask seemed to slip every time someone dared to approach her, revealing the dark scowl underneath.

"Oh. That's Leah Clearwater. Don't take it personally. She doesn't like me very much."

"You don't say."

A hot flash of guilt rocked Bella as she quickly looked away. She didn't dare risk the chance of eye contact. "It's complicated."

"Clearly."

Rolling her eyes at the heavy sarcasm dripping from Rosalie's words, she sighed. "Jacob and her were together before I came back. He swears it was never anything serious, and I believe that it wasn't to him, but...I'm sure being here isn't easy for her."

"Well it would have been a damn shame if she had just stayed at home instead of gracing us with such a spectacular Nick Nolte impression."

"Be nice! All of her friends and family are here. What was she supposed to do?"

"I can think of about ten million other things."

"Sometimes you have to put on a brave face. And if all else fails, impersonate Nick Nolte."

Rosalie smiled in response but the mirth never quite reached her eyes. Bella felt her entire body tighten as they fell into silence. The count down started in her head as the beautiful blonde next to her carefully formulated her next words.

Five...

Four...

Three...

"You're sure you're okay?"

It was Bella's turn to smile with no real happiness behind the expression. They both knew what she was really asking. _Are you sure you're not thinking about Edward?_

"I'm fantastic," Bella assured her, trying not to sound as resentful as she felt. It wouldn't be fair to snap just because she couldn't keep her wayward brain under control. Rosalie only meant well. If anything, she was grateful for her normally painfully blunt friend's restraint. Any other day and it would have been 'stop thinking about that carrot topped fuckface' or 'Dickward is not worth the wrinkles he'll give you worrying over his sorry ass'. "How could I not be? Tomorrow I get to marry the most amazing man I've ever met."

"You do have yourself one hell of a piece of man." Rosalie agreed with a playful nudge on her shoulder. "Almost as fine as mine if I do say so myself."

Bella smiled a real smile despite herself. That she did. Jacob Black was everything a woman could have wanted. Handsome, and strong, with a love so warm it heated her from inside out when he wrapped his arms around her. It was a sweet, slow kind of heat, like laying out in the sun on a crystal clear summer day while she lost herself in one of her favorite books. Comforting and calming, everything she needed to be content. He was a patient and kind man who had put her back together piece by piece without thought of himself. What she had ever done to deserve that kind of compassion was beyond her, but who was she to question him? Bella owed him her sanity. It was a shame hadn't seen it sooner.

It was different than anything she'd ever had before. Her first relationship had been with a boy named Mike Newton. It had been nothing but awkward puppy love, but they'd had fun together sneaking his mother's wine coolers on the beach and making out in the backseat of his old handmedown Corolla. For a while at least. Boredom had set in fairly quickly. Just like their relationship, Mike had been silly and shallow. It eventually ended with her finding out that he was cheating Jessica Stanley because she refused to put out. Bella in a way, had been relieved.

Then there was Edward. It was a true testament to Jacob that she could think of him with such ease now. Barely even a twinge of pain. For months after he had thrown her away with his cruel parting gift, hearing his name had been enough to throw her into a tailspin. The days had not been kind, but the heartbreak had been suffocating laying in bed at night with no distractions. Some sick, masochistic part of her buried deep down had always urged her to whisper the name aloud, and set the pain that came with it free. Excruciating sorrow was better than feeling nothing at all, right?

That was the attitude she had been forced to have their entire relationship. Everything was about appearances with Edward. He had been so terrified that someone might think him to be weak. Part of Bella had understood that it wasn't his fault. Self consciousness is a natural human trait, but no one was born that obsessed. She had only met Carlisle Cullen once in her all of her time with Edward, but it had taken less than ten minutes in the man's presence for all of the missing pieces to fall into place. Yet she had loved deeply him regardless. It had been impossible not to when she had gotten a peak behind the wall, and met the beautiful, brilliant man that lived behind it. Those little moments had sustained her for four years, and she had been foolish enough to lap them up like an attention starved puppy.

She would never go hungry again. Not with Jacob.

"Speaking of your fine piece, he's headed this way bearing gifts."

Turning to look over her shoulder, Bella's smile spread. Jacob smiled back without hesitation, and her heart started in double time. When he reached them, he wasted no time leaning his hulking frame down to kiss her squarely on the lips. It wasn't a deep kiss but it lingered sweetly. She couldn't help but let her eyes drift shut as she fell into the sensation.

"So, are you going to drink those or...? Because I'd be more than happy to take them off your hands if not."

Jacob laughed against her lips before reluctantly pulling back to hand Rosalie one of the beers in his hand. Bella barely resisted the urge to flip her the bird for ruining the kiss. Any time his lips touched hers, thoughts of Edward were banished back into oblivion where they belonged. "I didn't take you for the beer type, Blondie."

"Don't let my the pretty face fool you, kid. I was shot gunning Natty Ice when I was still in nappies." Standing, she popped the top with a perfectly manicured nail and winked. "I'm going to go save Emmett. He's probably still hiding in a corner somewhere."

"Your friends are bat shit insane Bells," Jacob announced as he plopped down into the chair next to hers, taking one of her small, pale hands and entwining it with his large russet fingers.

She took a moment to admire the contrast before playfully scoffing. "Oh, and yours are any better? At least mine don't jump off cliffs for fun."

Jacob snorted at the proclamation before leaning in for another kiss. "We'll have to agree to disagree. Now, have I told you how gorgeous you look today?"

"Only four or five times. You're really slacking here Mr. Black."

"Such a brat."

"You wouldn't have me any other way."

"Of course not," he agreed. Grabbing her arm, he gently pulled her onto his lap and buried his face in her hair. Bella went willing, snuggling into his muscular frame. "And tomorrow you're going to be my beautiful, bratty wife."

"It's surreal, isn't it?"

"Not in the least. I knew from the second I saw you that you'd be mine."

"Jacob we met when went we were four."

"Doesn't matter. I knew even then."

"You are so full of it,"

"Hey," he scolded gently, pulling away from her hair. She moved to protest, but the words died on the tip of her tongue as he told her, "I mean it Bella. I've loved you my entire life. The only surreal thing is that you really came back to me."

Hot, happy tears burned at her eyes unbidden. Bella pushed them back and snuggled in deeper, breathing in his cinnamon and gasoline scent. She wasn't going to ruin this by crying, happy tears or not. "I'm sorry I stayed away so long."

"You could've come back ten, fuck, twenty years from now and it wouldn't have mattered. The smallest sign you wanted me and I would have dropped everything."

"Jacob..."

"Okay love birds, break it up! You have tomorrow night for the canoodling. Dinner is going to be served in ten minutes, and so help me god, we _will _eat while it's hot."

They groaned in unison at the stern command. Alice stood before them scowling with her hands planted firmly on her narrow hips. When neither moved, she snapped, "You heard me! Emily worked her ass off to make a delicious meal for _your _rehearsal dinner and you want to let it just go to waste? Should I tell everyone to just go home so you two can make out?"

"We'll be there in a minute Alice. We won't get to see each other until tomorrow after this because of _you_."

"That's Captain Alice, Maid of Honor to you. And you know damn well that it's tradition for the bride and groom to not see each other until the ceremony," the pixie informed them haughtily. "Now, you have exactly sixty seconds before I'm come back. You. Do. Not. Want. Me. To. Come. Back."

Then she was off again in the blink of an eye, not a beat missed before she was barking orders to someone else and flailing her arms around in the air.

"You're right Bells. Jumping off cliffs is _definitely _crazier than any of your friends."

Throwing her head back against his shoulder, Bella laughed. 

* * *

_"Going to the chapel and we're gonnaaa get maaarried. Going to the chapel and we're gonnaaa get maaarrried..."_

Jasper couldn't help but smile as he sat back against the headboard and watched the show. God love her, but there wasn't a subtle bone in his girlfriend's tiny little body.

Hugging her pretty purple (Or wisteria as she insisted. It all looked the same to him) bridesmaid dress to her chest, she swayed around Bella's old bedroom with a dreamy smile on her pixie face as she sang. There was no doubt Alice saw nothing but the finest white silk behind her closed eyes.

Someday soon he would drape his girl in the best money could buy. Unbeknownst to her, there was a ring tucked away for safe keeping in his bottom office drawer. It had been there for months now, waiting impatiently to meet her dainty little finger. He just hadn't found the right time yet. Bella's announcement had come shortly after he had bought the ring. Part not wanting to overshadow his friend's engagement, and part shock that Bella was getting married to a man she had hardly even mentioned, those plans had been put on hold for the time being. There was nothing holding him back now that all the loose ends were tied.

The smile slipped from Jasper's lips at the thought. That wasn't entirely true. There was still one loose end, and if that thread got pulled, it might just unravel the entire sweater.

Edward had all but dropped off the face of the planet after finding out about the wedding. Jasper had expected him to spend his time drunkenly ranting and raving about how unfair it all was in typical Edward fashion until the date passed. Then he would find some shiny new object in a tight cut cocktail dress to distract him for a while, and get on with his life. Rinse and repeat. He was a creature of habit if nothing else.

A loud Edward was no threat. It was when he was quiet that he began to worry. The man was his brother in every way but blood. Jasper loved him, would have done anything for him. But he just couldn't find it in himself to trust him not to fuck this up.

Jacob Black was a good man. At least from what he'd seen. The massive mechanic was still virtually a stranger, but he clearly made Bella happy, and that was good enough for him. She had been a broken woman the last time he had seen her in the flesh, clinging desperately to her job to keep her head above the water. Now she positively glowed. Who was he to question it?

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Lost in contemplation, Jasper hadn't even noticed Alice crawl into the twin bed next to him. She laid her dark head against his chest and smiled up at him gently as her fingers tangling in the light smattering of hair across his chest. He pushed the dark thoughts away, forcing a smile for her sake. "Just how beautiful you look in that dress."

"Liar," she chided softly as she snuggled in closer. "What's got you looking so serious?"

"I was just thinking about how odd this is. Bella getting married, I mean."

It wasn't a lie, not really. Just a little omission of truth. He had failed to tell Alice that Edward knew about the wedding. That relationship had never fully healed after what he had done to Bella. The last thing anyone needed was her storming in, all a flutter with righteous indignation, and telling him to stay the hell away. Jasper had kept it from Rosalie for the same reason. Emmett too, if only because the man couldn't keep a secret to save his life. The best thing any of them could do until this was over was to ignore him, and pray he didn't do anything rash. Being told not to interfere would only serve to light a fire under his ass, if one wasn't already burning bright.

There was a beat of silence before Alice supplied, "Jacob seems nice. His dad and his friends are nice too. Though that one girl, Leah? She dresses worse than Bella. I didn't know that was even possible."

Jasper couldn't help but snort. "Give it up, Ally. You know you'll never break Bella's flannel habit."

"You'll both eat those words someday." Alice's fingers tightened his in his chest hair. Finally she sighed, "It is weird, isn't it? I mean she barely mentioned she was seeing someone and then suddenly she's engaged. You don't think she's..."

"Knocked up? I doubt she would keep that from you this long."

"She kept Jacob from me for nearly a year."

The hurt in her voice made Jasper wince. He slipped a hand under her tank top, trailing his fingertips across her bare back in hopes of offering her some small comfort. "She's happy."

"I know...I guess I just saw this all happening differently. I thought..._ugh_. Never mind."

"Hey." Lifting her chin with the tip of his finger, Jasper smiled. "None of that now."

"I guess I just saw us all together in Chicago. Getting married together. Starting our families together. Now that's never going to happen."

Jasper knew exactly how the situation had once played out in Alice's head. This was a world where Edward never pushed Bella away. Things were still like they used to be in college. They would get together for drinks at the corner pub every Thursday night no matter how busy they were. They would have their biweekly movie marathons where no one could ever agree on what to watch. Emmett was partial to campy horror. Bella liked anything black and white, while Rose liked to indulge her softer side with weepy chick flicks. He was personally a fan of war movies. Edward didn't seem to care as long as he got to hold his girl. Bella would be there to forcibly drag through every designer outlet mall in the state. She would have eventually let Alice burn all of her hoodies in some ritual sacrifice in the name of fashion. They would have shopped for wedding dresses together. Baby clothes too. Shared all the books, eaten the same pickle and peanut butter sundaes. Best friends forever.

Alice wanted to live in a sitcom. Unfortunately that's just not how the world worked.

"Aw, Ally. It's not like you're never going to see her again."

"I know," she sniffled. "But I miss my best friend."

Letting his head fall back, Jasper pulled Alice closer and silently cursed Edward Cullen's name.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN - Sorry about that. Things got a little held up because my timeline is wonky as fuck. I still don't have it perfectly figured out, so please bare with me if anything seems off. I'll go back and and**

* * *

**3.**

**_2008_**

_Where it all began._

"You smoke."

The voice startled her. Fumbling to keep the lit cigarette tucked between her fingers, Bella glanced over her shoulder to find the source. Not that she needed to look. That voice had already made an unshakable impression the first time around. Still, she had to pretend for the time being. A minor precaution, but it needed to be taken if she didn't want to make herself look like a complete fool. It was hard not to grin when she saw him standing there under the balcony light. He looked especially beautiful under the glow. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction, though. Not yet.

"So do you," she observed casually as he took a slow drag.

"Nasty habit."

"The worst," she agreed, lifting the burning tobacco to her lips to take a drag of her own. The nicotine did nothing to relax her.

"At least you look good doing it."

So did he. The words lingered on the tip of her tongue, but she pushed them back with another lung full of smoke. There was no doubt that he already knew how good he looked. A man like him didn't need anymore reason to preen.

"Funny running in to you here," he offered after a beat of empty air. She hoped he couldn't hear the accelerating thump of her heart over the faint thump of radio rock coming from the house behind them.

Instead of giving into the temptation to face him fully, Bella kept her back to the door. She had to stay focused. What had Rosalie told her again? Something, something, hard to get. Something, something play it cool. She found it hard to believe her roommate needed to do anything but crook a finger. But she was hardly Rosalie. She should have paid better attention.

_Confidence_. She remembered that much._ Confidence and tact_. Keep your tongue in your own mouth, at least for now. No big moon eyes like a drooling idiot. Be sweet, but not saccharine. Controlling her face wasn't so hard, but there was nothing to be done about the thunderstorm in her chest. "Stranger things have happened."

Edward. That was his name. It was long out of style, but she had never been one to keep up with the trends. It suited him. There was a formal air about him that was rare these days. It contrasted violently with the sloppy, carefree frat house buzz around them. Edward carried himself with immaculate posture, and carefully pressed designer clothing. He seemed severely overdressed for the occasion, even though he was wearing jeans like everyone else. Somehow he managed to make them look formal. This was a man who knew appearance counted.

She felt terribly inadequate next to him in her own jeans and flannel. The large hole in the denim exposing her left knee was less of a fashion statement and more a causality of a low cash flow and her own clumsiness. Yet he didn't seem to mind as he took another slow step towards her.

Keeping her eyes straight ahead, she forced herself to relax her shoulders as his fingers wrapped around the balcony railing. His left pinky nearly touched hers as he gripped the cold metal. "I suppose...You're not honestly drinking that swill, are you?"

Bella gave a brief glance down to the half empty bottle of Miller High Life in her hand and gave an noncommittal shrug. "It's cheap and dependable."

"So that's all it takes?"

The underlying innuendo in the question hit its mark, and sparked her undeniable ire. So goddamn what if he was better look than her, or better dressed than her, or probably had more money than she would dare to dream of? Bella finally gave in to the urge to fully look at him. He had a slow smirk on his face that only fanned the flame. Instead of expressing hot indignation that filled her chest, she leveled with him an banally amused stare. "To get me drunk? Sure. I've had worse."

Edward's smirk grew. "I take it you've never had good beer, then."

"Is this where you educate me in the finer points of your hoity-toty microbrews? Perhaps something foreign?"

"Who says I'm drinking foreign?"

Giving him a quick up and down glance, Bella guessed, "Belgian?"

No matter how annoyed she was, it was hard not to let herself linger. The expensive t-shirt he wore looked soft. Far softer than anything she owned. She desperately wanted to drag her fingertips over the fabric to test her theory. Instead she forced her eyes forward once again, hoping that he hadn't noticed just how prolonged her gaze was.

"Dogfish Head IPA, actually"

"A domestic. How generic."

He bristled at the brush off. She internally rejoiced. "Compared to?"

There was a hint of anger in his velvet voice. It had a rich, smokey taste. Bella lifted her cigarette to her lips to hide the smile that itched to cross her face, but the cherry had burned out, slowly suffocated by neglect. She stuck a hand in her right pocket to retrieve her lighter as she said, "I work in a bar that specializes in obscure beer, remember?"

Bella didn't even have the time to lift the bic before he was holding a flame to the tip. She inhaled gratefully, watching it glow a dangerous red before fading out to a more subdued burn. "Thanks."

Edward didn't acknowledge her mumbled courtesy. "I remember."

Good. It had been impossible for her to forget. He hadn't taken his eyes off of her once after quietly slipping into a corner booth with a blond haired man two days before.

Idealy she wondered if he expected her to repeat his order. A dark Belgian with a name she never failed to struggle to pronounce when she read the specials. But it would be a cold day in hell before she admitted to remembering. "You look more like a whiskey type of guy to me."

"I can appreciate a fine scotch once in a while. I like variety."

"I'll bet you do."

She could practically hear his eyebrows inch up his face. "Oh? And what makes you say that?"

_Because look at you._

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup."

He never got the chance to respond.

"Edward! Here's where you ran off to!"

The cloying voice seemed to make them both flinch. A tall blonde slinked out of the patio door with a cute little pout that Bella knew would make her look more like a sulky child than a sultry woman if she ever dared to attempt the expression. Taking one last bitter drag from her cigarette, she flicked the butt over the balcony railing and mustered the rest of courage.

Bella exhaled the smoke slowly before shooting a wink at a frowning Edward that was far bolder than she felt. "Hope you're thirsty."

Thankfully she didn't trip as she walked past the blonde and back into the party.

* * *

Bella Swan was even more beautiful than he remembered. Edward hadn't thought that to be possible, but the proof was staring back it him through the window. Standing there under the golden porch light glow outside of the small house she lived in with her fiance, watching him drive away in a bucket of bolts, she looked every bit the angel she was.

Fiance.

The word left a bitter taste in his mouth.

She deserved better. One look at the shack the prick had her living in spelled that out loud of clear. A little research on Jacob Black had warned him to expect something like this, but seeing it with his own eyes, Edward was sure it would have almost been better if she _had _run off to Europe with his money. At least then she wouldn't have been living in abject poverty.

So maybe he was exaggerating a little. The house was quaint, cozy even, if you were into what Alice would have given a stupid name like 'shabby chic' or 'rustic bohemian'. It looked like something she would have picked out. Tiny, with bright blue shutters and an overgrown garden. The whole thing was extremely Bella. She had always liked cozy to the point of claustrophobia. He would have bet anything that it was filled to the brim with all of the infuriating clutter that she had somehow always made look tasteful. But damn it, that didn't have to mean run down. Edward was half surprised it didn't have an outhouse. Or maybe it was just hidden. The thought made him grimace. When she finally came to her senses he would find her a nice little cottage on Lake Michigan, or anywhere else she wanted it.

_Fuck_.

Come to her senses? Who was he trying to kid? Jasper had made it very clear that she was happy. The smile on her face as she watched the undeserving dog drive away spelled that out to be the truth. It wasn't as though he was any more deserving of her affection. Not after what he had done to her.

Slamming his hands against the steering wheel, Edward cursed. What the hell was he doing here? If he had a lick of sense, a shred of decency, he would turn around now and keep driving until he hit Chicago. He owed her that much. She could stay in this podunk little town and marry the asshole. Pop out a few of his snot nosed children. Die here in her stupid little shack. If that's what she wanted. But he was a selfish bastard. He was spoiled, and over privileged, and had gotten everything he'd ever wanted. There was no denying that. The thought of just leaving without at least trying made him turned his stomach. Mostly because he was sure he could talk her into coming home with him where she belonged.

Yes. He could. This wasn't just his normal arrogance talking. Edward knew that smile. He had seen it, caused it, countless times before. It was tentative, slightly caustic, as if she wasn't sure she should let herself actually believe whatever was causing the upturn of her lips. Perhaps if she had been beaming he could have found the strength to shift the car into drive and hit the gas. Perhaps. But she wasn't.

Throwing himself into work hadn't helped. Edward had thought that if he lost himself to the endless, demanding hours at the hospital, he could forget that it was happening at all. He had been sure that by the time they finally threw him out of the place to get some sleep, the day would have already passed. It would be too late. That was a joke. Even if he finally emerged from his anesthetic daze a month later, a year later, he would have eventually ended up sitting in exactly the same place he was now. Something as silly as a change of last name wasn't nearly enough to keep him away now.

He had gone lost his goddamn mind. No point in denying that, but he had to try regardless. She just looked too beautiful standing there with her thick mahogany hair all done up in curls to turn back now. If he didn't try, he would never get to bury his hands in that hair again. Feel her soft milky skin against his as they laid in bed together Sunday morning. Hear her raspy little laugh at something he said, or quote Walt Whitman in his ear. Bella would have had the perfect quote for a moment like this.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. Even if he failed, at least he would be able to walk away in the morning knowing that she knew the truth. But he wasn't going to fail. He couldn't.

If only Carlisle could see him now. It was hard to tell if his father would condemn him for all this fuss over a woman or praise him for such aggressive tactics.

Steeling his nerves with a deep breath, Edward pulled the ski mask in his hand over his head and opened the car door.

"Are you sure I can't stay? I can make it worth your while..."

Groaning softly at the temptation, Bella let her head fell back against the passengers seat. "While I don't doubt that for a second, it's just not worth facing the wrath of Alice. She's stuck on this silly tradition."

"Come on Bells," Jacob crooned, his warm, calloused finger tips wandering up her thigh. "I'll take all the blame."

"We can't," she whined softly in response. His fingers crept higher. "If you step foot in that house tonight, neither of us will ever make it to the alter. She'll kill us both."

"But we'll both die with smiles on our faces."

"You're terrible."

"Nah. I'm in love."

Leaning over the center console to kiss him lightly at that, Bella pulled away just as he moved to deepen it and laughed against his lips. "Tastes like cheese."

"That hurts Bells. Right in the heart."

Alice wasn't the only thing keeping Jacob away that night in truth. She was more bark than bite in the end. No, tonight Bella had to think. That sad, masochistic part of her she would never be able to fully bury needed to stare up at her ceiling and analyze every choice she had made in the last six years.

Namely choices made concerning Edward Cullen.

What if she had gone to Italy? What if she had taken the ticket and shoved it right up his ass instead of slipping away to Forks to lick her wounds in peace? What if he had never given it to her at all? There were a million different possibilities playing out in alternate universes. She had pushed all those thoughts away for so long. It was sick, and twisted, but this was her last chance to hash it out in her head. It was time to finally take a peek into another dimension and figure out if she had done the right thing.

Why it mattered, she wasn't sure. What was done was done. Even if Doc Brown drove up in the DeLoean at that very moment and offered her ride that very second, Bella didn't think she would get in. She wanted to blame Rosalie for bringing this on, but it wasn't worth the effort to lie to herself. This was a long time coming. The possibilities had simply hurt too much to think about before. She needed to stare them right in the face and with her head held high, say_ no thank you_. It was the only way to finally let it all go. How could she possibly do that with Jacob's strong arms wrapped around her, unsuspecting of violent turmoil going on in her head?

"I'm all yours tomorrow night," she reassured him with a smile. It was weak, but her voice sounded right. Sufficiently happy. Hopefully he didn't notice in the dark cab of his van. "And every single night from there on out."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye."

"That's some pretty serious business."

"You want to know how serious I am?"

"How serious?"

Raising her arm, Bella stuck out her pinky finger and held it up into his line of vision, her lips pressed into a mockingly grave line. She gave it a little shake for emphasis as she said, "Jacob Black, I'm evoking the super sacred pinky swear. Surely you know that this is nothing to be taken lightly."

Jacob was clearly fighting back a smile as he extended his own pinky, the appendage hovering in the air next to hers, not quite touching. "Are you sure you want to evoke something this strong? There's no going back on a pinky swear Bells. Not if you wanna keep that cute little finger of yours."

"Absolutely."

"Alright then."

Locking their pinky fingers together, they both squeezed tightly as they shook. It felt so final for something so silly, but the way he stared at her with nothing but love truly made it into something serious. This was just as concrete and real as the vows they would exchange tomorrow. A pinky promise was a pinky promise.

As Bella was about to let go, he pulled her hand to his mouth and gave her fingertip a gentle kiss. "I love you Bella."

Her smile was true this time. "I love you too Jacob."

"Try and get some sleep."

She would try, but it was doubtful it would come. "I will."

With one last lingering kiss, Bella pulled herself from the van. She couldn't help but stare after him as he started the ignition and drove away. Yes, tonight she would banish all of her green eyed demons, and tomorrow would be the first day of a whole new life. The right life. Her smile grew at the thought.

A pinky promise is a pinky promise after all.

"If you try to scream, I won't hesitate to gag you."

Glancing up to see a man in a black mask, Bella did just that.


End file.
